10 Steps to Ruin Your Career in Recruitment
Right, that’s it… you’re finally done and fed up with recruitment.
If you’re through with the industry but don’t have the guts to walk out, it’s not a problem. It’s nothing a little negligence and misconduct can’t solve.
If you fancy a firing, we’ve got you covered. Follow our 10 simple steps to ruin your career in recruitment and you’ll be sacked in no time.
New recruits take note, you’re going to want to keep this one up your sleeve for when you realise you’re not cut out for the recruitment industry.
1) See How Long You Can Go Without Using Your Phone
Let’s play a little game of chicken with your boss.
When they’re not looking, just don’t use your phone. This can be a hugely liberating exercise. Free yourself from the KPIs, worry not about cold calling candidates and conveniently forget about touching base with hiring managers.
Alternative activities to do while not on the phones can include twiddling your thumbs, doodling in note pads, scrolling through Instagram or staying updated on the latest football transfer gossip.
2) Use Your Platform as a Recruiter to Share Your Political Beliefs
Who doesn’t find Brexit an enthralling and exhilarating topic of conversation?
We’ve done some research and found that cold calling candidates is absolutely and unequivocally the best time to have your rant about how ‘Brexit means Brexit’ and all that trash.
The more you make yourself sound like a London cabby rambling about immigration, the better – it’s sure to make a cracking first impression.
3) Keep Your Eyes Peeled for Deals to Poach from Colleagues
Nothing’s better than that feeling when you’ve been working for weeks on a role and finally see your hard work pay off as the deal is done… right?
The best feeling is getting a deal for yourself without doing any of the difficult and tedious legwork. Spot an opportunity to follow up on an interview your colleague has set up, just to close the deal yourself. Go for it and get that commission. It’ll be worth losing all your friends when that cash comes through.
4) Question Your Non-Billing Manager’s Latest Bonus
Non-billing managers don’t actually offer anything to your agency, so go ahead and question their latest bonus payment and investigate what they’ve done to deserve it. It’s not like you’ll be at risk of starting a mutiny or anything.
We’re sure your non-billing manager will take the time to map out and discuss exactly how they’ve helped the company, expanding on the fine details of why they deserve such an astronomical package.
5) Let Your Emotions Get the Better of You
While scrolling through memes on Instagram this morning, you find out that Britney Spears was only 25 when she had her breakdown and shaved her head… suddenly it all makes sense.
It’s time to go all 2007 Britney on this b*tch.
Get the claws out, keep a regular stream of mascara running down your cheeks and let’s get feisty on these trash talking clients of yours.
Already have a PSL in place? Nice for you hun, but that doesn’t help me get paid now does it?
Don’t want cold calls from recruiters? Stop being such a melt and let us work this little vacancy of yours.
Didn’t think the candidate had the right skills for the job? It’s not nice to be judgemental babes.
6) Do Your Best Not to Socialise With Anyone
Who needs to get on with their colleagues and show any personality at work anyway?
Recruitment poses lots of opportunities to fob your colleagues off when it comes to social situations. These should be utilised to maximum effect whenever they crop up.
Invited to the pub? Tell them you’re washing your hair that night. Company incentive night out? Explain that you’ve got lots of laundry to be doing. It’s Sophie’s birthday? Such a shame, you’d love to make it but there’s a really interesting show on TV tonight which you couldn’t possibly miss.
The worse the excuse, the better.
7) Never Take Responsibility for Your Poor Performance
So, you’ve avoided as many calls as possible but the opportunities to poach deals from your colleagues are drying up. It’s time for a warning about your performance.
This is a really important stage in the process of getting sacked. How you manage your first discussion about below-par performance is crucial.
When this discussion takes place, you should take absolutely zero responsibility and blame everyone else – make it abundantly clear that any poor performance is not something that is down to you, irrelevant of how overwhelming the evidence to the contrary may be.
8) Pull A Few Too Many Sickies
Everyone takes a sickie from time to time, there’s not much wrong with that – as long as you seem genuine of course.
This means that you’ll put some serious work in making this one a reality. We recommend one sick day every few weeks / month. Make sure you leave it until the last minute to call in to explain that you’re ill, and always cite minor symptoms.
Who said a few sneezes when you wake up isn’t enough to make it into work?
9) Criticise Others in the Team
People say you should always be your own worst critic. Well, that’s not the case here – it’s time to start giving your opinion on everyone else in the office. We can’t trust them not to get big headed now, can we?
We recommend that every hour or so, you should take a break from your ‘work’ to sit with someone else in the team and offer your unsolicited critique on their sales calls. Don’t wait for people to ask for your opinion, take the first step and give it to them anyway.
To really nail this one, you should be sure to take a brutally honest standpoint. Think Simon Cowell crossed with Gordon Ramsey and you’re on the right lines.
10) Apply to Jobs During Working Hours
A great way to get an enthusiastic boot out the door is to start your job hunt during work hours. Nothing gives line managers a twitchy trigger finger quite like knowing that members of their team are looking for new opportunities while they’re meant to be working.
This is why we like to assure any recruiters looking for a next step in their career that any discussions we have together are discreet and confidential. Job hunting in recruitment can be a difficult task when you’re working long hours and don’t necessarily have the time to be scrolling through job boards to find an agency which suits you.
If you want a new challenge but can’t find the time to look, we can help. Reach out and upload your CV so we can help find the ideal opportunity for your skill set, experience and desires. Additionally, browse our job board to get a feel for the type of vacancies we currently have on offer.