If Recruiters Ruled the World
Recruiters can be a cocky bunch at times. They certainly like to think they rule the roost, but what would things be like if they actually did? What if we lived in a world where recruiters were in charge? Sit back, grab some popcorn and hide behind your favourite cushion. This is what life would be like if recruiters ruled the world.
Everything is Negotiable
Okay, let’s start with one of the biggest and possibly most obvious changes recruiters would make to the world. Every price is negotiable. So, you’re feeling tired and fancy a coffee – the price you pay will depend entirely on how good you are at negotiation.
We’re not sure how we feel about this one. Of course, we’d all love to argue our way to a cheaper phone bill. But, can you imagine the queues in Asda if everyone haggles with Karen on checkout about the prices of beetroot? It just doesn’t make any sense.
Interview Dropouts Punished by Death
Some may call it harsh, others will say it’s excessive, but to a recruiter this sentence is nothing but fair.
If you drop out of an interview, it’s up to the gallows you go. No ifs, no buts and no second chances. Your fate has been sealed!
No Work on Friday Mornings
Nice try with this one!
If you see a recruiter on a Friday morning, chances are they’re hungover. Thursdays are always heavy, so let’s make Fridays a mandatory lie-in day.
Besides, Fridays are always the least productive!
Everyone Has a Banter Rating
Okay, bear with us on this one.
Don’t you hate it when you meet someone new and they’ve got about as much banter as a wet sock?
Well, in our recruiter utopia we propose an Uber style star rating system for banter. Those who can’t take a joke keep to themselves and the rest of us have a bloody hilarious time.
Day-to-Day KPIs & Incentives
Incentives shouldn’t only be for work-related KPIs. We should be able to get these in our day-to-day lives too. After all, everyday life can be hard! We all need a little motivation to keep going.
Cook yourself a banging spag bol? Have a weekend in Rome!
Wake up on-time, 5 days in a row? Get a free iPad!
What a time to be alive!
Cold Calling is Outlawed!
Woah! You weren’t expecting this one.
Yes, we know it’s hypocritical! We don’t like making cold calling any more than you like getting them. Do you honestly think being called a snake and rat by a complete stranger is our idea of fun?
If recruiters ruled the world, cold calling would be outlawed! Instead, we’d have a never ending list of candidates who actually want to hear from us.
Top Billers Are Treated Like Heroes
Get the history books out and carve our names in ink. Tomorrow’s recruiters deserve to know about today’s top billers.
When a new consultant becomes top biller, they deserve an open top bus tour around their home town. The streets will be lined with adoring fans who want to share in this historic moment.
It’s Illegal to Have an Empty Drink
Out on a Thursday night? You’re not allowed to be the sad person in the corner with an empty glass ‘who only came for one’.
Stop dragging your feet and go get a top-up!
People Who Spoil TV Shows Are Publicly Shamed
Recruiters have busy lives. We don’t always have time to watch the latest episode of Game of Thrones or Stranger Things when it’s aired. One of the worst crimes a person can commit is spoiling the show before we’ve seen what happens.
Any individual deemed guilty of spoiling a TV show will be marched through the streets and publicly shamed Cersei Lannister style.
Recruiters Are Actually Respected
All joking aside, this one’s serious. If recruiters could change anything about the world, it would be the way we’re looked upon by society. When someone asks what we do, we know they probably pre-judge our morals and character before they’ve taken the time to know us.
There’s a general feeling of distrust about recruiters. It’s true, there are some dodgy agencies out there. Moreover, the agencies of the past weren’t exactly renowned for their ethical approach.
But things have changed!
The majority of agencies out there are making a big push towards changing the industry’s reputation. Recruiters are prioritising quality over quantity, integrity over numbers. Recruitment is a respectable, tough but highly rewarding role which you should be proud of. It’s time for this to be noticed.
If you’re interested in helping reshape the industry’s reputation, we want to hear from you. We only recruit the very best candidates for the most reputable agencies. If you think you’ve got what it takes to be a flagbearer for the industry, get in touch. In the meantime, have a browse of our job board to get a feel for the type of vacancies we currently have on offer.